Relationships

Having left my church 8 months ago to pursue a less formal way of following Jesus I have discovered an unexpected benefit. The other day I was having dinner with a friend and I realized that I am satisfied with my relationships at the present time. I have two friends that I meet on a weekly basis and a second circle of friends and neighbors that I meet on a monthly basis.

When I was attending church I always felt unsatisfied with relationships. Thinking back I realize that, at least for me, it is not the ideal place to foster relationships. Think about it. I went to a church of about 700 people for about 7 years. Every Sunday there were say 100 people that I have had some sort of a connection with who I could talk to or would want to talk to me in the 15 minutes before and after service. Those numbers don't add up to forming satisfying relationship.

To solve that problem most churches these days have small groups, another 12 people that I know and should have a relationship with. Lets be honest, you meet once a week. Being a former small group leader I can tell you that it takes a good 6 months to a year to build intimacy in a small group, and by that time people are moving on or the leadership is pressuring you to spin off new groups.

On top of that, most churches want you to be involved a ministry of some sort. Mine was worship team (Teams of about 6 people on average). This was the most frustrating area of relationships for me. I played with a band three weeks in a row with 5 weeks off. It was mostly focused on practicing and playing the music, and relationship building took a back seat. With the exception of one person I didn't have any sort of regular contact with anyone else on the band outside of the worship team.

So there you have it about 100 people that I am connected to in some way that I feel obligated to have some sort of relationship with due to my church structure. Many people can function just fine in this environment. Being an introvert, I am not surprised that I am more fulfilled with a smaller amount of relationships that I have now.